Hello.
I know what you may be thinking: Why wasn't there an exclamation point after my "hello"... It's because I'm a bit worried about something.
For the entirety of my life, I have had a very loud brain. So loud, that I would have to mentally tell my thoughts to shut up, because they were so loud. I would constantly be thinking about stuff, 3 maybe even 4 things at once. My thoughts were so all over the place, that I would hardly finish thinking one thing before I'd start on the next.
It used to take be up to 2 hours to fall asleep. Even while my brain was going a mile a minute, I'd probably still be humming a song. All of the chaos made it SO difficult to fall asleep. I mean REALLY difficult. Most nights I'd be in bed by 10:30, but I wouldn't fall asleep until 12:30-1:00am.
Up until a few weeks ago, that was my life. Now, I don't know what's happened.
I can literally not be thinking anything at all now. Now, my brain is almost completely silent. When I speak, while I write, while I do anything really, all I hear is silence. The other day, we had extra ribbon from the Christmas tree, and I thought I'd hang it on my bedroom door, and I found twine wrapped it around the ribbon, tied it, then draped it over the door, tied the other side to a hook, wrapped the remainder around my hand, and then hung the little ball on the hook. I then proceeded to adjusting the bow, and making it all pretty and nice and I suddenly realized that my thoughts were really quiet. I did all of that, and I hadn't been mentally saying anything in the process. When I went to find my secret stash of twine, I didn't think, "Let me get the twin from the ....." I just went and got it like a zombie. It was like I wasn't even thinking of what I had to get. I just got it.
Is that all I am now, a zombie?
I feel like it's too quiet up there... On one hand, I feel like I can say what I understand and verbalize my would-be thoughts, without actually walking through it in my head. On the other hand, I literally am beginning to find it difficult to actually say stuff in my head, instead I just think it ever so slightly, and I understand, without thinking. I sort of miss my loud thoughts... I never realized how lonely up there would be without them.
I miss you loud brain...
-D.F.T.B.A.-
Mina;)
Confession: I am currently waiting for our Netflix to be renewed, and I am FREAKING OUT. I need to finish Gossip Girl so badly, and I haven't seen a single episode of Doctor Who in forever. Forever is since Friday. I don't watch T.V. God, please don't make me watch T.V. to get my daily dose of stupid. I just want my Netflix back, AND I WANT IT NOW. (Be afraid)
I know what you may be thinking: Why wasn't there an exclamation point after my "hello"... It's because I'm a bit worried about something.
For the entirety of my life, I have had a very loud brain. So loud, that I would have to mentally tell my thoughts to shut up, because they were so loud. I would constantly be thinking about stuff, 3 maybe even 4 things at once. My thoughts were so all over the place, that I would hardly finish thinking one thing before I'd start on the next.
It used to take be up to 2 hours to fall asleep. Even while my brain was going a mile a minute, I'd probably still be humming a song. All of the chaos made it SO difficult to fall asleep. I mean REALLY difficult. Most nights I'd be in bed by 10:30, but I wouldn't fall asleep until 12:30-1:00am.
Up until a few weeks ago, that was my life. Now, I don't know what's happened.
I can literally not be thinking anything at all now. Now, my brain is almost completely silent. When I speak, while I write, while I do anything really, all I hear is silence. The other day, we had extra ribbon from the Christmas tree, and I thought I'd hang it on my bedroom door, and I found twine wrapped it around the ribbon, tied it, then draped it over the door, tied the other side to a hook, wrapped the remainder around my hand, and then hung the little ball on the hook. I then proceeded to adjusting the bow, and making it all pretty and nice and I suddenly realized that my thoughts were really quiet. I did all of that, and I hadn't been mentally saying anything in the process. When I went to find my secret stash of twine, I didn't think, "Let me get the twin from the ....." I just went and got it like a zombie. It was like I wasn't even thinking of what I had to get. I just got it.
Is that all I am now, a zombie?
I feel like it's too quiet up there... On one hand, I feel like I can say what I understand and verbalize my would-be thoughts, without actually walking through it in my head. On the other hand, I literally am beginning to find it difficult to actually say stuff in my head, instead I just think it ever so slightly, and I understand, without thinking. I sort of miss my loud thoughts... I never realized how lonely up there would be without them.
I miss you loud brain...
-D.F.T.B.A.-
Mina;)
Confession: I am currently waiting for our Netflix to be renewed, and I am FREAKING OUT. I need to finish Gossip Girl so badly, and I haven't seen a single episode of Doctor Who in forever. Forever is since Friday. I don't watch T.V. God, please don't make me watch T.V. to get my daily dose of stupid. I just want my Netflix back, AND I WANT IT NOW. (Be afraid)
No comments:
Post a Comment