Day 6

   I have written this blog post already but it was deleted, and now I'm grouchy and I feel like writing speedy (I really mean "half ass", but I don't curse) content. I feel like crying. Oh Goodness, I'm so tired.

  ha! And it's only day 6! Let's take a moment to imagine what day 600 will look like:


  eww....not good....wild hair...crazy predator eyes (you know: the kind where the eyes are open all of the way and you can see every vein. As if that person is having a staring contest with with a photograph)...twitchy head...

  Forget about that. Let's talk about today yesterday.

  Yesterday was my very first day of VPA, which is the theatre program I wrote about days ago. The program itself was amazing, it was a lot of fun. Getting to the building was not a lot of fun.

  I asked my friend Celeste if she and her mom could pick me up from the train station and get a ride to the building with them. They agreed, but as usual, nothing went quite as planned.

  So, arriving at the train station, I knew that I needed to refill my metro-card. I used this particular track everyday, so I knew that there was a station where I could refill my card. But, arriving at the track, the station would not let me refill because it didn't take cash, and being a 14-year-old girl, I don't carry a credit card. Meanwhile, I was already running late because of other reasons that I am to lazy to explain, but believe me they were legit reasons that were beyond my span of control.

  My train then pulls up on the track, and I still haven't passed through, and Celeste is nervously texting me like crazy "Are you almost here?", "Are you on the train?", and I felt so bad to have them waiting for me on the first day. So, I asked the only other lady who hadn't paid yet and gone over the barrier if she could pay for me, and in return I could pay her in cash. Basically I was asking her to swipe her metro card, let me pass through the barrier, and I would give her the two dollars or so. Easy peasy, and I would still make the train.

  Apparently I picked the only lady on the track who a) didn't speak English and b) had the only metro card incapable of being a freaking metro card. She swiped and swiped and it did not work. I tried to get my money back and to figure out a new plan, but she didn't quite understand me for a while.

  Eventually I got through to her, and she gave me back my money. By that time, I was nearly in tears. I felt abandoned on this track, with literally every other passenger already over the barrier, and my phone in my pocket buzzing every minute. So, I did something sneaky and unlike me, but pretty funny now that I think about it.

  I ducked and went under the barrier. At first I didn't fit, because of my huge bags, but I struggled through. Just take a minute to conjure up a picture of the little divided barriers at PATH stations, and then imagine me with my huge book bag, and my tea in one hand, and my volleyball bag in the other, and little tears welling up in my eyes for distress. Then, imagine me trying to go underneath it, and for at least 5 seconds just trying to squeeze through with all of my might. I probably looked like an idiot. A complete idiot. But hey, I caught the train.

  I know what you're thinking: "Mina! You did that? How could you be such a bad girl?"

  Don't think you're the first one to think that. I was. All day long. It was eating me up. I couldn't believe how I just shoved myself through without paying a dime. It might sound extremely stupid to you, but I love rules. Rules are a good thing. If there is anything I believe in, it is playing fair. I felt sort of dirty (hypothetically, but this is a PATH station I was in, chances are, with me sort-of-crawling under the barrier, my hands and knees were a little more than hypothetically dirty).

  So do you know what I did? On my way back home, I refilled my metro card (at a station that accepts cash, you know, the good kind), then I swiped my card, walked through the barrier, and they I turned around walked back through the barrier, and paid and walk through again. There was this man who was just casually leaning against the wall, and he looked at me like I was crazy or something. Because, you know, I'm not crazy. I'm not. Seriously, I'm not. No, really.

  I still get a little shivery thinking about it, actually. Imagine if someone had seen me cheat earlier that day? Or if I had been forced to explain? I'm quite the introvert sometimes. I have trouble talking to people, but most of the time I have this picture perfect idea of who I am (or rather should be), and when I try to be her, I succeed at being open and friendly, but when I don't, I just end up not speaking to people very much at all. This is mostly because I have a phobia of small-talk. As far as "perfect" me, I don't think there is anything wrong with trying to be perfect. We should all try to be the best people we can be, but that isn't saying that we should- never mind. You get it, don't you?

  Well, that was yesterday. I sort of want to tell you about today. Today was horrible. I am not proud of today. First off, I found out that I was supposed to be at school earlier than I had originally thought, so then my mom had to grumpily drive me across the city (and for those of us who know what it is like to be stuck in a car with a clearly upset parent, we know that that small metal box is the equivalent of hell). When a parent is grumpy, don't even try to explain. Just give up, because they are just not in the mood. Let them be, because nothing you say is going to make them understand. They want to be upset, let them be upset.

  Then, returning from theatre to school, I forgot my binder that had all of my homework from every class. I think you get the point. Every teacher gave me the "I'm so disappointed" look, but I assure you that the most disappointed person in the room was myself. Today was horrible.

  I especially had a gruesome run in with my health teacher, who is also my volleyball coach. She was extremely upset with me. Anyways, one thing led to another and I quit volleyball.

  I know that you're thinking that that doesn't make any sense. But, I'm new to Public Transportation, and getting home at 7:30 as a freshman isn't very appealing. I was willing to work hard, but my brain is so stuffed and preoccupied that I felt all over the place. Theatre announced that we would be taking after school field trips, and those were going to interfere with volleyball practices. My mom was sort of pressuring me, as she felt it was too much for me to take in all at once. I feel sort of like the weight on my shoulders is getting really heavy, but that I can manage, because I can do it, and I will do it, so I do. But, between everything I have to keep track of on a daily bases (I won't list them, but you would be amazed with my to-do list right now), I just felt that I couldn't keep up volleyball, because practically everything was telling me that I couldn't.

  I'm not feeling so great today. But, I am determined to check out some clubs tomorrow, and find some way to be active. Today was pretty horrible mentally, I hope that your day was better. I'm going to go write a letter to my imaginary Somalian Penpal again.


-D.F.T.B.A.-
Mina;)