Day 120

Hello!

So, Friday was one of the most horrible days of my life, ever. But, if Friday was the worst, than Saturday was quite possibly one of the best.

I sat down with my aunt and uncle, and I told them about a lot of things that have bothered me since forever ago. Well, I seem to always feel very alone and quiet and I never really tell people about anything. I'm just passive, all of the time, and some days became infinitely better than other days, based upon my ability to forget about the things that make me angry or sad and focus on how pleasant that day was. The problem with forgetting and living in the moment, is that this bliss is really only momentary, and once it creeps back into your thoughts again, you haven't made any progress at all. The problem is never solved.

When you're a teenager, adults have a nasty habit of dismissing all of your troubles and placing them in the box with the label "Stuff That Happens When You're a Teenager". So, if you're particularly mad or on the brink of a meltdown, you get written off as being hormonal and dramatic and everyone tells you that you're overacting and about how you're putting on a show and -oh- it's not amusing and just go to bed so that you can feel better in the morning. But, you never feel better in the morning. All you feel is ignored. I know that my parents get tired of hearing me tell them that they aren't listening. But, in that moment, even when all you want in the world is to just blurt out a billion words per second and tell them everything, you can't find the words, and while you struggle for those syllables that will get them to understand you're getting told the above phrase. You're overreacting. You're being dramatic.

I got a lot off my chest Saturday. Saturday was a good day. I went to bed, and I felt relieved of this enormous pressure that I felt I have been carrying since the dawn of time.

I spoke to Grace via the magic of Google today. It was a wonderful conversation. Wonderful. I felt really good hanging up (or rather clicking on the little icon).

Today, specifically, was a very good day as well. I was very - free - today. If that's the right word.

blahadaldhaldhadlgogojgojgonuhwygwygekbnflefhlekfnsksbfeujbfsjebkjsbfeoauwpouiqoihekjnd

-D.F.T.B.A.-
Mina;)

Day 119

I will write this post sometime within the next 24 hours. :)

Day 118

Hey!

Typical story of the battery being low on my laptop...

Anyways, my morning was absolutely horrid. I won't share my misfortune with you, but one thing after the other went awry, and I felt like crying (for a moment, I think I did, really quickly though, nothing serious).

My morning was disgusting. I got to school (very nearly late of course), without having breakfast. I also hadn't packed anything to munch on during class (Some teachers let you, and the ones that don't- well you know, I'm not eating apples or anything). I had two tests today, and I feel like 80s and 90s are coming my way. We'll see how tomorrow's tests go.

My hair was really weird today too. I decided last night that I would braid my hair into a bunch of separate braids, and then braid it into one big braid. When I woke up, my hair looked at though it had been crimped or something. I mean, it was ALRIGHT. My hair is naturally curly, and I've been flat ironing it constantly (horrible, I know) for the past 4-5 months, and I've become very vain when it comes to my hair. Actually, I feel like I've betrayed my curly hair. People actually don't remember it anymore. People who I've known forever! The people who I haven't know forever, they REALLY don't remember. I should be standing up for curly hair or something, but that's a crusade I don't have the energy to lead (but I have the energy to straighten my hair every couple of days, ha).

I remember the days where if I came home past 8 and I still had an essay to write, I would freak out. Those days are long gone. That's normal now. Normal.

(WARNING: This is not one of those coherent- made to make sense- paragraphs)

 I'm reading Great Expectations, as I've mentioned before, and there's something that Pip's family always says to him that I can really relate to. His sister (who raised him) and the adults around him are constantly saying "You should be grateful for this... You should be grateful for that... You are lucky that we took the time to raise you..." I get that a lot. I should be grateful that I have a family who decided to keep me. Both sides of my family come from countries that have these deeply rooted old beliefs that are very alive today, and that's why my grandparents and my parents say similar things. Pip's family said it in a meaner way, whereas my family doesn't say it in a mean way, but it does make me feel sort of- well- should I be sorry? Am I guilty, because I'm alive? I understand the gratefulness part, because we should be grateful for what we receive. However, the part about families making the decision to keep you, I find inherently wrong. When my grandparents say stuff like that, they're not literally saying, "You know, we had to think about it. Then, we ultimately decided- out of the goodness of our hearts- that perhaps we should let you live". They're just trying to teach me a lesson about being humble and grateful. The saying itself though goes against how much families are supposed to love each other. What about when a mother or father sees their child for the first time, after months of waiting, and they see them as the most beautiful things in the world? The decision pertaining to whether or not to keep them is not at all what is running through their minds. So, I guess a saying is a saying. It just bothers me, because it's almost meant to make kids feel like a burden. By just using a few sentences like those, Dickens was able to help the reader feel what Pip felt and get a gist of how the family unit is structured. That's pretty awesome. And THAT! was my ramble on for the day!

You see, this is how I get my brain juice stirring.

BYE! <3

-D.F.T.B.A.-
Mina;)

-D.F.T.B.A.-
Mina;)

Day 117

Hey!

The days are just getting longer and longer (seriously) and I am finding it more and more difficult to wait for Spring Break.

I have a hypothesis that the reason why they give people days off and limited hours (be it work or school) is so that no one ends up killing one another. In order to like certain people,  your time spent in their presence has to be restricted.

Today, I thought that it would be a wonderful idea to ride my scooter to school (about 2 miles or so). I don't know why... I just thought, "Hey! I don't have to be in school until noon, why not?" The ride to school was gruesome, the sidewalks were pretty good, it's just that about 70% of the way to school, I was riding against the wind. My face was literally burning, and the wind would get so strong, that I had to actually put a lot of effort into pressing forward. Ugh. But, hey! The ride back was nice. Never, ever doing it again though :)

I have so many tests tomorrow and Friday. I... I just can't... Ugh. So many! I have a full unit French test, which is a lot! I have a Biology test (never easy). I have a Unit Math test. I have a U.S. History test. I have to catch up on Great Expectations, because I'm 2 days behind. Yeesh. I just can't wait for the weekend (so that I can study for the tests on Monday).

I need a hug. A great big wolf hug.

-D.F.T.B.A.-
Mina;)

Day 116

Hello!

I think that I just won the award for the shortest kept promise, EVER.

I can't believe that this post is a day late. I'm horrible. I'm going to try my best. I will. So, let's just forget this little learning experience, shall we? Never happened? Our little secret?

Today, I didn't have to get to school until noon. Wonderful, right? I slept in, ate a grand breakfast, complete with pancakes and eggs. I braided my hair, shined my worn-out boots. I watched some Modern Family, and took a nice, long shower.

Except, that I didn't do any of those things. I woke up at 6:00, wrote an essay that took 2 hours. Then, I caught up on a whole bunch of other homework. While I walked to school, I was reading Great Expectations. Goodness, I wish the first paragraph was correct, but actually I'm exhausted.

I got to school an hour before they were letting anyone in, which was horrible. I bought a bagel with butter from a deli nearby and it was delicious! Note to self: Buy bagels more often. You love them.

Also, a funny story: My brother and I have this ongoing feud about who does the dishes when that drives my mother crazy. We were at the table, eating dinner tonight, and I was going to say, "Zachary, you know that YOU'RE washing the dishes, right?" But, then I realized: That wouldn't be a very smart move, would it? My lazy brother had just woken up from a nap, and I knew exactly which card he was going to play if I told him to wash the dishes. MOMMY, I'M SICK. So, I asked, "Zachary, do you feel sick?" It worked out so well. He looked at me, perfectly normally, eyes wide open and asked me to repeat myself. I did, and immediately he lowered his now half-shut eyes, put his hand to his head and said, "Oh yeah, you noticed? I'm not feeling so well". I was dying of laughter. Everyone at the table saw that one. Nice move, Zachary.

Hahaha *hands over dish*

-D.F.T.B.A.-
Mina;)

Day 115

Hello!

I am sticking to my promise and posting on time! I nearly forgot, however we shall skip that minor detail.

I have a hand full of teachers right now that are just really bugging me (I can say that, right?). Sometimes, I feel bad for them, because I think of how everyone in the class is simultaneously wishing for their disappearances.

Jeez, if I'm ever a teacher, I'd hate to try and teach a class of kids who really don't want to hear about what I'm saying. That would be an absolute nightmare. I'm going to try my hardest to look pleasant in every class, even if I'm finding it excruciatingly painful.

Once and a while, I wish that I could just open up this blank document and VENT. Like, I just want to tell you about all of my aches and problems, and I just want to tell you about everything. But I can't. Not on here of course. Sometimes, I find that I will be in such a horrible mood, and everything will seem to be falling apart and I'll open up Word and just pour it all out. By the time I finish, I always learn something. By taking the time to write it all out, I feel like I've organized my thoughts somewhat. Sometimes, you know that you're upset and that you want to yell, but you can't find the words to express how you're feeling. After I write it all out, I find that I have less difficulty conveying what it is that is making me upset. I have a better understanding of why I'm feeling the way that I feel. Also, on Word, you don't have to pretend to be someone that you're not. You can be 100% yourself, and that allows you to be honest. I may not always want to admit that someone is right about something, but once I write out the situation, I can be honest and accept that I'm wrong: because it isn't like anyone is there to judge me or anything.

One rule that I've sort of learned by writing out my troubles is that if you're having difficulty explaining why you're upset with someone or why a situation makes you angry, than chances are: you're the wrong one. If you try and explain why and you can't quite make sense of why you're angry, than you probably just don't want to admit that you're wrong. That's the way I am (if I'm explaining correctly). I'll be in a horrible mood about something, and I'll open up word and try to explain to this imaginary person why I'm upset, and sometimes I'll just shut my laptop and think of how silly I sound. Once I've written it out, it just doesn't bother me as much anymore. Also, you don't feel the guilt that comes along with gossiping or really venting to someone. That's a plus.

-D.F.T.B.A.-
Mina;)

Confession: Whenever someone walks by me, like a janitor at school or something, I usually smile and say hello. I  do it because I love it when they smile and reply back with a greeting. I just love that smile. I love it because they probably weren't smiling before I passed them, but I also love it because of much more selfish reasons. I like to think that smile is one of approval or as if they've just thought, "What a sweet girl". Is that really egotistical? I guess I should be Grace and say that I love to make people smile and be happy:) Grace's would-be answer is much better. 

Day 114

Today was the very last day of Laughter! Thank goodness!

It was fun of course, just tiring. And tiring. And tiring.

The play want pretty smoothly today, and there were pretty much zero mistakes. So many people came for me today, I felt so loved. My mom, my brother, my sister, Miss Mollie, my neighbor Trish, my grandpa, Tulsi, N'dia, Grace, my Uncle Hassan, my Aunt Hande, and my cousin Lina! Maia, Eleanor and her older brother William also came which was awesome!

I got flowers! Yippee for flowers!

Today was pretty awesome, I'm going to miss the play a lot. But, I'm excited to get some sleep back.

ahhhh, sigh.

-D.F.T.B.A.-
Mina;)