Day 84

Hey!

So, I don't have much to say about today. I thought that I'd share my satire essay with you. I wrote this in December, and now that I look at it again, I feel the urge to re-write everything. My fingers are just itching to edit, but I just don't care about it enough. I figure that I'm never going to touch it again anyways, what's the point of editing it? So here it goes, I hope that you like it. If I don't feel weird about posting the essay, I might feel comfortable posting some of my short stories. I don't know if I would though. I don't know.

A Disease of Productivity

            In recent days, it has become evident to me that the human race is currently in the process of fighting a terrible disease involving productivity. This is not anything new; in fact, we humans are not to blame. Millions of years ago, humans were born with this aforementioned disease, and I am happy to tell you that the cure is underway. You may be wondering what this disease is. Alas, you are very familiar with this disease of the human race. In fact, it afflicts you everyday.

            The disease in question is a matter of wasted energy. Everyday, intellectual humans waste their days away performing dull, menial activities. We disregard our time by brushing our hair, walking to destinations, and tying our shoelaces. Employees rot their brains away counting money, arranging files, and speaking to customers. I am sure that you agree with me when I say that our energy is being thrown away at activities that simple technology could effectively manage. Why do we so openly spend out lives unhappily lagging towards death? We are wasting our lives! We could be in an everlasting state of vacation and ultimate peace and intellect, but instead we perform remedial tasks by the minute. Fortunately, I now know that technology is the cure.

            The most strenuous of all barbaric activities is caring for a child. You have to feed them, cloth them, and worse: wipe their butts! Why should you waste your time caring for a child, when you could be doing so many more significant tasks with your time? Humans are smarter than a bunch of buffoons wiping butts and burping babies. This is why I present to you: the Butt-Wiper Super-Diaper.

            The Butt-Wiper Super-Diaper, informally called B.S., is a new technology that is sweeping the nation. The B.S. is a device that attaches itself to your babies’ bottom, and acts as an everlasting diaper. This amazing technological advance takes your babies’ feces, burns it, and releases the remaining gasses into the air. As this takes place, the Butt-Wiper portion is safely sterilizing your babies’ bottom.

            The team and I began developing the B.S. when the number of parents breaking their backs wiping butts increased by 30%! Compassionate humans could not possibly ignore a whopping 30%. This B.S. will drastically change your life. When I say “drastically”, I mean that your life will never be the same without this B.S. Think back to time spent wiping your babies’ disgusting, nauseating bottom, and now imagine what you could have been doing: Watching T.V.? Going to the beach? The possibilities are endless… And if you can’t get enough of the Butt-Wiper Super-Diaper, don’t you worry, because B.S. comes in adult’s sizes too! The human race will never have to use the bathroom again. In fact, call a contractor, because the disease that is the utter disregard for time will be remedied by 21^st century technology.

            Why should you waste your time performing dull activities? Technology is clearly the way to go. No need to wash dishes, go to work, and especially not wipe butts! If we use technology, like the B.S., to their fullest potential, we can all focus our attention on being the super humans that we deserve to be.

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I realize that this is actually my first draft of the essay, so I will try and find the final draft and switch it out someday.

 

-D.F.T.B.A.-

Mina;)