I'M DYING

Alright, so maybe I'm not dying. 

I wanted to post twice yesterday, and 3 times today, so that I could have my 100th post be at midnight. Unfortunately, I went to bed last night feeling sick, and I woke up around six o'clock this morning to puke. Yuck.

I don't remember being sick like this before, I feel so weak. Now, I'm much better. Earlier, I could hardly lift my pillow. Far worse than throwing up and having a stomach ache is that I feel so out of breath.

My brother, sweet as he is (that was sarcasm), was making fun of me earlier. I was trying to ask for ginger-ale, and my attempt to call my mom sounded like this:

"Ma... *10 seconds later* I... can I... have" Yes Yasmina? Do you need something? Yes? I'm sorry, what? 

Ugh. Do you want to hear something really disappointing? I still have essays to write. School starts again the day after tomorrow, and I still have a bunch of homework to complete.

I'm catching the end of break blues. You know, when you start to feel like you wasted all of your time. I should have been more productive...

BYE

-D.F.T.B.A.-
Mina;)

Bloopers

Hey!

I thought I'd make a little video of all of our failed attempts at singing "Lakehouse". I have about 2 hours worth of this on my computer, embarressingly enough!

When Grace is nervous, she speaks in multiple accents. Our Scottish accents were a bit too bad to share...

One day, we'll try singing it again, without all of the mess ups!

bye

-D.F.T.B.A.-
Mina;)

Music Day Starring: Grace

Hello!

Today, I went to Grace's house! I got to her apartment building a little early, and when I entered the lobby, the concierge (is that what they're called only in hotels?) asked me who I was looking for, and I told her, and she gave me their apartment number and lead me to the elevator. I went into the elevator, and when I arrived on her floor, Grace was standing right there. Grace was going to meet me in the lobby. I could have been a murderer. I could have hid an ax in my bag. I don't understand why she just gave me their apartment number, that's just funny to me. I guess that I just have one of those faces, you know?

Grace and I had the explicit goal of recording ourselves singing something. We spent a few hours on "Dog Days are Over", which was turning out really well. The harmony that Grace and I were coming up with was getting along well. Eventually, we settled on a song that was more familiar. Unfortunately, I had the sniffles, and Grace had the giggles. It isn't our best work by far, but we didn't try for nothing. This is us singing "Lakehouse" by Of Monsters and Men:

Oh, Grace and I are just so darn cute... If you're wondering why I was wearing a hat, it's because a) I had the sniffles and b) I went to bed without putting anything in my hair (which turned out great, coincidentally, besides that my top had too many flyways). The song was mediocre at best, but we didn't work so hard for nothing!

Afterwords, we went to see Les Miserables! I was so excited! It was really good! The singing was great! The attention to details was really good as well! I'm not very familiar with the musical, so I can't say much, but I certainly enjoyed it. Grace was serenading everyone with the music on the car ride back.

Bye!

-D.F.T.B.A.-
Mina;)

Edison is a McFartigans

Hello!!!

I thought I'd begin this post with a controversial title. What do you think?


My title was inspired by my trip to the Edison museum with Miss Mollie and Tulsi. It was really amazing to see the whole lab and factory exactly the way that they left it. Edison's desk was positively enchanting, as was his library. He had this one room where he had shelves and shelves of peculiar objects. There was a quote on the wall there that said something like, "It has been my life's endeavor to collect a sample of everything on this planet, and I think I've finally done it!" I thought it was cute.

The Edison museum was really cool. We saw all sorts of machines, and got to listen to an original phonograph (and yes, it sounded scratchy and old, but still wonderful and quaint). We watched the first on-screen kiss, which (fitting my cynical personality) I thought was semi-gross and slobbery. There were all sorts of cool relics to see on display, including the original jukebox!

A lot of the little passages seemed to hint that Edison was a mean boss to have. I've had this thing against Edison for awhile, only because I read a fiction from Tesla's point of view. Basically, I made sure to whisper/yell "Tesla is a genius!" and "Edison is a McFartigans!". I call my brother a McFartigans, which is funny, because all of my cousins call him that too.

Before going to the museum, we checked out the art gallery Miss Mollie curated, it was really cool. One of the pieces was of dirty snow and it was done by manipulating rust somehow.

After the museum, we went to a Thai restaurant. Yeah. Food.

Then, we went back to their house, and I was coincidentally carrying Little Women with me. We watched it, Miss Mollie and Tulsi for the first time. Oh, I love that movie to death. What is that? My third or fourth time in the last 3 days? I mean, I've only owned it for 3 days.

I love that movie. I love Susan Sarandon. I love Winona Ryder. I love Claire Danes. I love Kirsten Dunst. I love that movie. A few more times, and I will have every line memorized. I think I have every line memorized to Harry Potter 6 and Ice Age.

BYE!

-D.F.T.B.A.-
Mina;)

Weather, Waste, Weird, Wesley, Woodstock, Who

Today's post comes to you in 6 parts: Weather, Waste, Weird, Wesley, Woodstock, and Who

  Weather gets my family weird. I mean really weird. Today, it snowed for a few hours until subsiding into rain. I received two calls from my grandmother asking if we were alright/advising us not to go outside. My brother called to ask how hard it was snowing. My dad did the same. Is that weird? They completely obsess over weather. My brother spent over $10 on a hurricane tracking app a year ago. You know, as if you can't just flip to the weather channel. It drives me nuts. I am completely indifferent about the weather. If it's raining, really windy, or snowing, to my dad: that's a reason to stay home. I just don't understand it.

  I officially have 6 days left of winter break, and I already have that horrible feeling that it's nearly over. I don't want to waste these free days, but at the same time, all I want to do is roll around.

  Today, I did some rolling around the house. Particularly,  I rolled around my mother's closet. I "borrowed" a really cool purple coat and this awesome paisley scarf. I somehow decided that I was going to "test" the coat? So, I wore the coat and the scarf and took a walk? I walked around 5 blocks in the snow, and then I turned around and walked back home? I don't remember what my logic was at the time, but... I enjoyed myself? I can't explain it, I just put on the coat and I walked away, and I didn't really know where I was going. It was fun though. Definitely fun. Weird.

  I watched an interview with The Lumineers. Wesley Shultz was wearing this awesome hat. Listening to their songs make me happy, they have a really uplifting sound. While on the subject of music, I was obsessing over the ukulele today. Specifically, I'm trying to learn "Dog Days Are Over" by Florence + the Machine. I find it so incredibly difficult to go from A minor to E  minor. It drives me nuts. Then again, I've had it for around a day now? Furthering the subject of music, the intro to My So-Called Life is stuck in my head, which is not good at all, because I really don't like it. It's got this weird techy feel to me, and then it sounds like fairy music. Well, I'm afraid it's growing on me.

  I was reading about the first iconic Woodstock. It featured such a mind-blowing group of musicians (Why weren't The Beatles' there again?). It must have been amazing. If I could have gone, I don't know if I would have. Woodstock is so legendary, but then I think of crazy drugs and naked people and I can't even...

  I watched Doctor Who interviews as well. I love Matt Smith to bits. He is absolutely hilarious. Also hilarious, one of my new favorite You-Tubers: JackHoward. You should watch his videos. He's very funny and incredibly cute.

  -D.F.T.B.A.-
Mina;)
 
  I re-read this post, and I thought of the time I visited the Catskill Mountains with my aunt and uncle last year. Specifically, we visited Bethel, NY. That's where the Woodstock festival was held. My uncle is really big on farms, and we pulled over to buy honey and maple syrup from one. There was an older man selling us the honey and maple syrup and he was extremely friendly and tried very hard to make conversation. My uncle, as I previously stated, LOVES farms, so we ended up buying a whole lot. As we were leaving, he mentioned that his friend,  who lived on the next property owned a pottery store. I really wanted to go, but my uncle didn't really care to. We got back into the car, and as we continued down this road, we saw a woman at her door waving her hand yelling "yoohoo!". It was the woman from the pottery shop, I of course said something along the lines of, "Well, now we have to go!" She was literally one of the friendliest people I have ever met. We bought so much pottery, that it's actually quite funny. She was so sweet, so incredibly sweet. Her collection was beautiful, and she took us on a tour of how you make the pottery, paint it, and glaze it. She told us a bunch of stories about her kids. After we left, my aunt was laughing, because she said that the man must have called her and told her that he had a customer *shocking*, and since they don't really get that many people up in the mountains, it was exciting. I agreed, because that lady was incredibly energetic about finally getting strangers to walk around her house.

  On a random note, the honey and maple syrup that we purchased were the BEST I have EVER tasted in my entire nearly 15 years of living. My goodness, I was eating the honey with a spoon.

Christmas (Among Other Subjects)!

Happy Holidays!

  Truthfully, I would much rather tell you about Christmas, but a promise is a promise, and I have to start at Thursday.

  Thursday, plans were announced for the winter play, and I got a part! The play is Laughter on the 23rd Floor and I got the part of "Milt". I'm decently excited, but I'm just not the kind to anticipate. While everyone else was jumping for joy, I just sort of smiled and nodded. I'm only excited when things actually commence, not before. For instance, this summer, I didn't really acknowledge the trip to Istanbul the weeks before, I just sort of kept calm. As I walked out of Ataturk Airport, however, it finally struck me, and I wanted people to take a picture of me crossing the street, because oh my goodness gracious I'M IN TURKEY. In a way, I think it's a sort of defense mechanism against disappointment.

  Also on Thursday, I learned how to play poker. I think I'll teach the little gambler now.

  Friday, we had to bring in food for a holiday feast at school. We spent the morning in our homerooms watching movies and playing games. We played this really funny game called "Elephant Master". I'd played it before with the volleyball team, so I had to teach it to everyone, which I don't mind. It's really awesome, and I'm really good at it brag brag. We also played "Ninja". I made it to the finals, but ended up losing, or I got 2nd place, depends on how you see it.

  Then, choir was called to the music room. Choir and band put on an hour long concert for the school on the last day before break. As I have previously mentioned, I have a solo in one of the songs that we sing. I was really freaking out. I had a cold and I was afraid I would crack or sound nasally in front of the entire school. Anyways, singing alone was so weird. I was literally the only voice in an auditorium full of people generally older than I am. I was so scared... I sounded good, but I feel like I could have done better, had I not been sick.

  The chamber choir, which is basically the advanced choir, sang. They sounded positively beautiful. Gorgeous! One of the seniors in chamber choir and I are pretty good friends, and she said the nicest thing after the concert. She said... she said... She said that she loves my voice and that one day I'd be in chamber choir. I don't know. I just felt soooo happy, because I did really look up to chamber choir (and her in so many ways). I wanted to hug her to death. Ughhh.. warmth and pink cupcakes.

  Oh wow... Guess what just happened. I accidentally opened up another window without realizing it, and I tried to access my blog and it showed that I hadn't written anything. I tried to go back and it wouldn't let me, and before I commenced screaming, I realized that there was a separate window. Oh wow, I was out of breath for a second.

  Saturday, I rolled around the house. Sunday, I rolled around the house.

WARNING: IF YOU ARE A BELIEVER IN REALLY NEAT BEDROOMS, SKIP THE NEXT 3 PARAGRAPHS AND SHIELD YOUR EYES!

 I thought I'd share this frightening photo with you:

  Now, I didn't have the intention of putting you through that horror when I took the photo, but I made a decision. If I really never ever want my bedroom to experience that again, I am going to have to punish myself for doing it in the first place. Best way? To embarrass myself. Tis the only way. I'm so sorry. Every time that I look at that picture I have the sudden urge to grab a broomstick and my fingers begin to make scrubbing motions.

  I  have to say that I am such a rebel. The entire week into weekend my mom continuously nagged people kept telling me to clean it up. I kept putting off. Whatever. So what? It's my room! (I didn't actually say those things, more likely, I was conveniently out of sound's reach)

  Anyways, everyone went to bed on Sunday tut-tutting my failure to clean my bedroom. Around midnight, when everyone had fallen asleep, I began the operation. I was up for quite a few hours cleaning up my room. To be honest, I didn't want people to watch me struggle. By the time Christmas Eve morning featured my mother peaking through the crack between my bedroom door and the wall, while I ate breakfast downstairs, my bedroom was spotless. Ha

  Christmas Eve was spent cleaning the house for our Christmas tradition. We open presents at midnight, instead of in the morning. By "we" I mean my entire family: aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents. That translates into A LOT of people and presents.

  For Christmas, I was incredibly grateful. I pretty much got everything I wanted. The highlights being a ukulele, all of The Beatles' CDs, the Little Women movie, Mumford and Sons' new album, and a book on sign language. I am so excited! Eek!

  I have wanted the Little Women movie for the longest time! You have no idea. I love that movie so much. Well, I love the book. I've read it 6 times and only once have I read the last chapter, and it was only because I was being tested on it (haha). I just couldn't allow it to end (and yes, even before the Doctor said that!) Louisa May Alcott is one of my all time favorite people. I just love her legacy to bits. She was so amazing in her time, and she grew up around Thoreau and Emerson. Thoreau and Emerson?  So amazing. She was such a kickass woman. Awesome.

  Anyways, in less than 24 hours, I have watched the movie twice. Both times I have shed a few tears. Claire Danes makes the most heartfelt facial expressions. She doesn't do any of that pretty crying, her face is always full of emotion and thought. When you see her cry or smile, all you want to do is cry or smile.

  As the movie was playing, I kept trying to think of who reminded me of Jo. I felt like it was on the tip of my tongue, and I just couldn't get it. The way that she runs, the way that she laughs with Laurie, how young she seems, and her general unconcern with how people view her reminded me of someone. Then I realized- Tulsi. Tulsi is a dead ringer for Jo - in my humble opinion. There are some differences, of course, but they really are alike. Really. Really.

  Christmas morning, we ate breakfast and then volunteered at a school that was providing food and toys to families. It was a good way to spend two hours of my Christmas. I was pleasantly surprised by how polite everyone was. Most of the people were just really happy to be there, and the atmosphere was very positive. It was the first year that we'd volunteered, and although the environment was pleasant, I can't imagine what it would be like to spend my Christmas in a crowded cafeteria with one poster that reads "Happy Holidays". I hate to say this, but as we were leaving, I really wanted to go home.

  Next, I proceeded to counting down the hours until the Doctor Who Christmas Special. It was AWESOME! I loved it! There were so many witty lines that I can't even... Ugh! It was probably my favorite one yet. So good! The dialogue was really awesome and so many times I found myself dyeing of laughter. It was just too funny.

  Funny story: After the episode ended, I had to use the bathroom. Since the bathroom is upstairs, I figured I'd straighten up the living room, drop off my laptop in my bedroom, and then use the bathroom. However, I realized that I couldn't wait that long (God, what am I saying?). The remote wasn't in arms reach, and I knew that if I walked away without turning off the TV, I would be way to lazy to do it later, and I would end up getting yelled at in the morning. So, naturally, I thought "I will leave my phone here, go upstairs and use the bathroom. By the time I leave the bathroom, I will have forgotten about the TV and phone. Later on I will realize that I don't have my phone, I will remember that I left it in the living room, and then I will be forced to turn off the TV when I go to retrieve the phone!" Basically, I was trying to fool my future self into turning off the TV.

  Well, all went as planned. I left the bathroom, forgot about the TV and the phone. While in the middle of writing this post, I wanted to share a certain picture that was taken on my phone, and I realized that I needed to download it to my computer. I remembered that it was downstairs, and when I went to get it, I also turned off the TV. Genius.

  However, in the 10 seconds it took for me to decide on that plan, why hadn't I just turned around picked up the remote and turned off the TV in first place? I just don't understand.Why? I crack myself up.

  I checked my email and I got an email from Grace! Since she no longer posts anything, I feel that I have a certain duty to fulfill. The world must fully recognize how amazing Grace is. This is part of Grace's email:

When I was younger, I was obsessed with dolls (American Girl dolls, mostly, but they've gotten dumb over the years). My BFF Shaylee and I used to have sleepovers at each others' houses and we'd bring all of our doll stuff to the other's house and play for hours. Anyway, so my doll and her bed and wardrobe (yes, wardrobe) have been collecting dust in my room and I have been *sniffles* neglecting them. *GASP!* I know, I know, it's terrible. Anyway, so I decided that it was time. So I wrapped up a doll and her wardrobe and surprised this little 4-year-old girl at my church by giving it to her. Her face when she opened it was so bright and she was smiling so wide and... she was just so happy. She is in a kind of poor family and she probably doesn't get many presents at Christmas. When we were in the elevator, a woman asked her what she was going to name the doll, and she said Grace! I felt like I could fly! I can't express how light my heart felt as her mom drove away with my childhood. For a brief second I felt regret, I felt like humans are supposed to, but then I just twirled around and felt so happy! I felt like Brent in that Whirligig book, this doll would be passed down and would follow around many little girls and go places and have stories to tell. I was effecting so many little girls just by doing this one action. 

  Grace, I love you! You have my permission to love Grace, too. If you previously loved Grace, even before this post, then you and I can be hipsters together. 

  Merry Christmas!!!

-D.F.T.B.A.-

Mina;)

  

Day 72

I hate to have to say that I can't post, but I can't. I have a whole lot to talk about, but my brother has the charger for my laptop and he won't give it to me, so before I get really angry, I'm just going to go to sleep.


Oh, and the world hasn't ended. So, that's good news.

-D.F.T.B.A.-
Mina;)

Day 71

Hey! I'll tell you all about today... tomorrow. K? I know... I know... Please forgive me.

-D.F.T.B.A.-
Mina;)

Day 70

Not even going to try today. Not even.

-D.F.T.B.A-
Mina;)

Day 69

Hey!

Today went really well.

  In the morning, I spent all of my time finishing last night's homework. It was so much! I had to do some while I was walking... craziness. And guess what? In high school, you have to use your BRAIN to answer questions. I know, right?

  I did get everything done though, and during Block 1, we got our PSAT test scores back. I scored highest in Writing (98% higher than most of the sophomores brag brag). Mathematics however... That was a completely different story. I got like a 42 or something, which is average. Compared to my scores in Critical Reading and Writing, I feel like I really need to improve. I keep telling myself that I took that PSAT without even preparing. So, if I had prepared I probably would have done better. Right? Hopefully.

  In French, I presented my stupid project. I don't think that venting would be very kind, so I'm going to skip over how that went...

  During Lunch, I bought a slice of pizza and as I was walking to the table, I dropped my slice. I sort of said a whiney "no". You see, I only had the exact amount of money I needed for the day. If I wanted another slice, I was going to have to ask for money, and so I was pretty upset. I looked up and I happened to drop the slice in front of a table of sophomores, who were all just sort of looking at me. I knew one of them from volleyball, and do you know what she said? Do you know what she said?

  "Oh wow! That's happened to me so many times! Let me buy you another slice..."

   Can you believe it? I started to do the polite refusing thing, but she was already up and... well... just so nice! Ugh.. :)

  When I got home, a friend from French asked me about the test tomorrow. She was asking, because she accidentally left her notes/textbook. I was in such a good mood that I told her I would take a picture of all of the pages and send them to her. Someone did something nice for me, so I felt the need to do something nice as well. You know?

  I finished my homework pretty quickly today, and so I obviously spent an hour or so brooding over the Christmas tree and shaking wrapped presents. I am a horribly greedy and selfish American. Forgive me. I'm excited. Even if I don't get what I want, I'm still ecstatic about Christmas. Have I ever mentioned that my Algebra 1 teacher looks like Mrs. Claus? It's quite adorable, really.

  Bye!

-D.F.T.B.A.-
Mina;)

Day 68

Hey!

Remember how yesterday's post was about how great Friday was? Well, today was horrible.

I felt so sick that I asked to be picked up after choir, because I couldn't walk 6 blocks to the bus stop.
Although, I'm glad I did, because my grandpa has awesome seats that heat up, and I felt like I could sit there forever.

I didn't have typical homework today. No, no typical homework for me. Instead I had crazy projects to complete. I thought that I wouldn't have to color in high school, but I was so wrong. I'm coloring more frequently then I did in Kindergarten.

Today was horrible for a multitude of reasons that I do not care to elaborate on. Although, not ALL of it was bad. Mainly the part when I felt like puking in U.S. History.

Anyways, it's very nearly midnight, and I still have a puppet show to create. I'm thinking sock puppets... what do you think?

-D.F.T.B.A.-
Mina;)

Confession: I seemed so calm just then, but truthfully, I spent the last few minutes pretty much in tears over my mess of a French project. I've fixed it now, but ughh... crying, you know?

That Was a Really Good Day

I was thinking about Friday, and I realized something: Friday was a really good day. I have this really awesome, vivid memory of laughing in the gym of the church, and of making up movements to correspond to "Deck the Halls". I really love choir now that I think about it. Friday was an insanely good day. I think I know more upperclassmen than I do freshmen, which is just weird.

-D.F.T.B.A-
Mina;)

My Christmas Wishlist

People never ever know what to get me for Christmas. I seriously pity the family members who try to figure out what it is I might want. My family members (extended as well) are extremely different than I am. I'm not saying that in a bad way. It's just that I usually end up getting presents that are universally good, because no one seems to know what I like. And, you know, I don't usually scream at the top of my lungs about the things I like (it's not like I have a blog or anything).

Taking a step back, it really isn't my family's fault, I guess. I want some pretty odd things for Christmas. I want a ukulele, a swiss army knife, a sign language book, the 11th Doctor's Sonic Screwdriver, Charlie McDonnell's "This is Me" Album, all of The Beatles albums, Why We Broke Up by Daniel Handler, Wonderstruck and The Invention of Hugo Cabret by Brian Selznick (I know, I know, I've read it already but I really want a copy, because they're such beautiful books), any of the Marc Jacobs perfumes (a few years ago, my dad bought me "Daisy", and I hated perfume so much that I would use it as room freshener), all of the nail polish I can get my hands on, and I really want to go to the Mumford and Sons Concert on my birthday.

I also really want My So-Called Life Season 1 (Thanks Ms. Hoffman, as if I needed another addiction).  I watched 5 episodes today, and Hulu is completely annoying me with those stupid advertisements. The show features some really great one liners, in my humble opinion. One I remember is, "At Rayanne's house, no one was home". I also really like Claire Danes, she makes great facial expressions. She played Beth in Little Women, but I always confuse her with Anna Paquin. Especially when Anna Paquin was around 13, like in Fly Away Home (which is one of my favorite movies). 

Just take a look: 

Claire Danes 1994

Anna Paquin 1996

 They look like the exact same person! It's freaky!

Anyways, you know that this was just a sneaky way to get people to know what I want for Christmas without having to ask. There's the real problem I suppose: I never ask for gifts. 

I should try being a greedy American child and try demanding presents. I'll tell you how well that works out for me.

-D.F.T.B.A.-
Mina;)

Day 67

Hello!

Today was just as hectic as yesterday. Today, I took like a thousand tests. I think I aced my Algebra and History, and L.A. Lit is up in the air... :(

I went to choir practice for what seemed like forever, in preparation for our winter concert that was also tonight. I was told that I was wearing the wrong color skirt so I went to Eleanor's house and borrowed some pants.

Then, everyone in choir went to get Chinese food. I always get the General Tso's Chicken! We stayed there until 6:00, and then we walked over to the church where the concert was going to be. We ended up waiting outside of the church for SUCH a long time! You know how teenagers are: there was a bit of everything.

We finally got in and practiced for another hour or so. Then we actually performed, and everyone complimented me on my solo. I was pretty happy!

The different choirs really sounded amazing to the 15 people who were there... One of those 15 people was Jade, who was practically my best friend in 2nd grade. High school is strange that way. All of a sudden you start seeing people from every corner of your life, and that guy you sometimes played with at camp when you were 7, is now in your French class and he doesn't wear shorts and a tee, but instead a button down and tie. Weird.

Afterwords, we all went for ice cream at an amazing place! So good! Not to mention FREE, since Celeste's dad insisted that he pay.

We sat there for awhile, and the dad asked me about yesterday, and I had to sit there and try to remember what I did yesterday. I could not remember, and the. Eleanor was like, "you went to the school show" and I was officially astounded with myself. I was so tired, I could hardly remember the morning, never mind YESTERDAY. But yesterday was pretty big and full of stuff, so I don't know how I could forget! I'm so tired...

That's about it. You know, that's all I did today. Not much, that is.

-D.F.T.B.A-
Mina;)

Day 66

Hello!

So, I'm writing this on my phone, because ( like the genius I claim to be) I lost the charger to the laptop. So, congratulations you! You get to read a post full of odd spelling and general offness.

Today, was extremely busy for me. The day couldn't was taking forever, but I finally left at 2:00 to go sing with choir at a nursing home.

I had my solo, and I think I did okay. I mean, I didn't mess up, but I wasn't amazing. I don't think so anyways.

Singing in front of the elderly is just depressing. I know that it shouldn't be, but I just thought that one day I'm going to be the parent of a cute little toddler, and when I'm long gone, that cute little toddler is going to look like those people. They had broken arms, amputated legs, scars, and general patheticness. I was just glad I guess that we could brighten their day for a little while.

We walked back to school, and I talked to Eleanor for  about an hour about stuff. I like Eleanor. She's pretty cool.

I finally went home and tried to de-goth my clothing. I didn't mean to be dressed so darkly, but I had to wear black for choir, and somehow I seemed to get a lot of comments today about how borderline goth I looked, and how it "suits" me. What?

At around 6:00 I went with my date to a show at my old school. Hahaha... Who was my date?

Miss Mollie was my date... Fooled you! Anyways, being on the other side of the show was really strange. The show was always so exciting and energetic. I didn't quite feel that way in the audience.

I was really nervous about going to tell you the truth. I was afraid of talking to people, I was afraid of being awkward, I was afraid of saying the wrong thing, and for some strange reason: I was afraid that people wouldn't like me? That's weird, right? I don't know...

I was getting really tense and fidgety and uncomfortable being there. My whole life is in that school, with those people. I just... I wanted to observe and not be observed.

I wish that I had spoken more to people. But with the whole crew of graduates there, I didn't get to speak much. I haven't decided if that's a good thing. I wish that I could have not even myself tonight, and perhaps had been that wonderful outgoing person I try to be all of the time. I was so scared and I don't even know why?

I did a lot of putting my head on Miss Mollie's shoulder and squeezing her arm.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I got to go up and sing with Glee Club! That was cool, but I bet I looked awkward, and people always mistake my being awkward for lack of  enthusiasm.

I sound so depressing, I'm sorry!!! I swear I had fun! I really liked seeing people! I'm just a horrible person and I can't help but complain. I wish I could re-do the night, and replace my stomach aches with a few more SMILES!

Can someone explain to me why I was so scared of going?

-D.F.T.B.A-
Mina;)

PS It is officially YOUR job to make sure that Sylvanna sees this:

I'm so sorry!!! I love you! I love you!!! I'm sorry! I'm soooo sorry! You know that I was just joking, right? Don't you dare make that face... I'm so sorry!!! :)

Day 65

Do you ever get the feeling that you're just tired? Not that you need more sleep, but like your mental capacity has been exhausted?

My L.A. Lit teacher spoke a bit about passive-agressiveness during one of the last classes. I think I may be a little too passive-agressive.

I shrug things off when I shouldn't. I've let things go when I shouldn't have. I forget without forgiving. The worst part is that, I could go weeks just thinking that I'm "tired" of a person, or that I don't want to talk to them anymore, and yet I will go ahead and sit next to them. Or I will go ahead and share a joke with them. I will go ahead and share, share, share. I keep telling myself that I'm wasting time, that I should be more progressive. I keep telling myself to break old habits.

Even though my head seems so clear, my actions are not. I'm really starting to hate it.

The aggressive part is that I eventually explode. I explode and my insides end up every place that I don't want them.

I feel like I'm about to explode, and I'm trying so hard to keep my seems together. The last week or so has been tremendously rough, and I just don't know why I don't just speak up once and awhile.

Anyways, I feel like these posts have been suffering, because I'm not exactly happy. I desperately want to change that.

-D.F.T.B.A.-
Mina;)

Day 64

Hey!

I don't know how to do my math homework, and it's really killing me!!!! Whine... Whine... Whine...

  On a random note, I got a solo in choir, and at first I was happy about it. However, getting the solo is the easy part, perfecting it and singing it by yourself is much harder. Especially when the first note of the solo is an entire octave higher then your previous note, and when you can't get it, it's not so much FUN anymore. Whine... Whine... Whine...

  At least I'm not the only one, Maia understands... Don't you?

  Ugh... Whine...

-D.F.T.B.A.-
Mina;)

and cheese! 

Day 63

Hello.

I know what you may be thinking: Why wasn't there an exclamation point after my "hello"... It's because I'm a bit worried about something.

For the entirety of my life, I have had a very loud brain. So loud, that I would have to mentally tell my thoughts to shut up, because they were so loud. I would constantly be thinking about stuff, 3 maybe even 4 things at once. My thoughts were so all over the place, that I would hardly finish thinking one thing before I'd start on the next.

It used to take be up to 2 hours to fall asleep. Even while my brain was going a mile a minute, I'd probably still be humming a song. All of the chaos made it SO difficult to fall asleep. I mean REALLY difficult. Most nights I'd be in bed by 10:30, but I wouldn't fall asleep until 12:30-1:00am.

Up until a few weeks ago, that was my life. Now, I don't know what's happened.

I can literally not be thinking anything at all now. Now, my brain is almost completely silent. When I speak, while I write, while I do anything really, all I hear is silence. The other day, we had extra ribbon from the Christmas tree, and I thought I'd hang it on my bedroom door, and I found twine wrapped it around the ribbon, tied it, then draped it over the door, tied the other side to a hook, wrapped the remainder around my hand, and then hung the little ball on the hook. I then proceeded to adjusting the bow, and making it all pretty and nice and I suddenly realized that my thoughts were really quiet. I did all of that, and I hadn't been mentally saying anything in the process. When I went to find my secret stash of twine, I didn't think, "Let me get the twin from the ....." I just went and got it like a zombie. It was like I wasn't even thinking of what I had to get. I just got it.

Is that all I am now, a zombie?

I feel like it's too quiet up there... On one hand, I feel like I can say what I understand and verbalize my would-be thoughts, without actually walking through it in my head. On the other hand, I literally am beginning to find it difficult to actually say stuff in my head, instead I just think it ever so slightly, and I understand, without thinking. I sort of miss my loud thoughts... I never realized how lonely up there would be without them.

I miss you loud brain...

-D.F.T.B.A.-
Mina;)

Confession: I am currently waiting for our Netflix to be renewed, and I am FREAKING OUT. I need to finish Gossip Girl so badly, and I haven't seen a single episode of Doctor Who in forever. Forever is since Friday. I don't watch T.V. God, please don't make me watch T.V. to get my daily dose of stupid. I just want my Netflix back, AND I WANT IT NOW. (Be afraid)

Day 62

Hey!

  I'm exhausted, so obviously I'm going to watch Gossip Girl until my brain oozes out through my ears. I promise I'll have something interesting to say this weekend.

I certainly hope so, anyways.

-D.F.T.B.A.-
Mina;)

Day 61

Hello!

I am tired beyond measure... Just so tired.

-D.F.T.B.A.-
Mina;)

Day 60

Hello!

Today, everyone was criticizing me for being in too bubbly of mood. I certainly did a lot of laughing and a bit of using my sing-song voice. I swear that I'm exhausted. I was running on a non-existent energy. I was so tired, that instead of acting tired, I was full of energy.

I could pass out any minute now...

-D.F.T.B.A.-
Mina;)

Day 59

Hey!

So, It's late at night, and instead of going to bed, I've been thinking over a little theory of mine.

During class, and while I do my homework, I am a chronic doodler. My notes are very clean and precise, but the last few designated doodling pages are a complete mess. One of my favorite things to do while I'm trying to pay attention to a teacher is crosshatch. I really love crosshatching. For some reason, the lines mesmerize me, and like a little kid I could stare at them all day.

What does this have to do with my little theory?

Well, I started thinking that a simple crosshatch with horizontal lines, vertical lines, and diagonal lines (positive and negative) can be used to describe wealth and the climbing of the socioeconomic ladder. In other words, there are basically 4 different kinds of people in terms of wealth.

Firstly, there is Line A:

Line A is a vertical line. Line A kinds of people are those who master their own line, or field. Line A is a vertical line, so let's say if you are the point at the bottom of Line A, then you would climb the ladder until you reach the top. However, you are only climbing to the top of the socioeconomic ladder that was presented to you in the first place. For instance, a pedigreed son works his way through law school and becomes even more successful than his father. He is a Line A, because he was on that "ladder" since the beginning, and now he has climbed to the top of it, but he has not moved horizontally. Another example is if a child lives in a slum, does not receive a good education, and is surrounded by drugs and violence. He would be a Line A kind of person if he grew up to be a drug dealer. Certainly, he is more successful than the people in the slum, but he is still apart of the slum ladder, he has only climbed it. He hasn't moved horizontally. Line A kinds of people master their own particular plane of existence.

However, Line A can move both ways. The same way, a Line A person can climb to the top, and fall right back down to the bottom. It works both ways, but once again, the person doesn't move horizontally they always remain on their plane of existence.

Secondly, there is Line B:

Line B is a horizontal line. I haven't perfected my view of Line B's yet, however, Line Bs certainly do not climb or fall on the ladder. They stay exactly where they are from birth to death. People who are points on Line B are mostly idle and somewhat secure. You could take a typical middle class family as an example. The parents make decent money, the kids grow up and make decent money. The kids' follow in their parents' footsteps and raise their own kids' in the same way. The kids don't do anything that their parents didn't accomplish, but they don't ever fall lower either. It can work on any "step" of the ladder really. Another example would be if your parents are poor, and so you can't go to school, so you don't get a degree, so you make minimum wage, and when you have children, you don't have enough money to send them to school, so they also can't get a degree, and end up making minimum wage... That sad cycle goes on for on and on, and it is a perfect kind of example of a Line B.

Thirdly, there is Line C:

To understand a Line C, you have to picture this: A Line C person is on a certain step of a certain ladder, then she get's off that ladder, decides that she doesn't want to live on that plane of existence anymore, than gets on another ladder and bravely climbs all the way to the top of that one. This one is really fun for me to imagine, because it's the most inspiring Line. Basically, no matter where you are on any line, you can always become a Line C, and decide that you want to change your environment and climb to the top of a ladder that maybe the people in your original ladder don't understand because they are either Line As or Bs, and they will never leave their ladder. It's kind of like one of those rags to riches stories, except Lind Cs aren't guaranteed to climb necessarily to the very top of the ladder, but it is a positive line, so they will always be higher on their new ladder, than they would have been on their old one.

Fourthly, there is Lind D:

Line D is a bit of a tear jerker. Line D has a negative slope. So, that means that Line D's begin their time on the ladder of wealth and general success on a higher step than they land on. It's like a rich guy who gets involved in drugs and fraud and ends up poor and in jail. Basically, they are the Mr. Archibald's of society. Keep in mind that Line D is diagonal, and therefore Line Ds end up on a different ladder than the one they began on, and it's a ladder of lower standards.











Basically, the threads of wealth, status, and position in life look like this:

In order to make the best of the crosshatch effect, you have to imagine that, like on a graph, the farther left you go on the lines, the lower the economic standards/prosperity and therefore the farther right you go, the higher the prosperity.

Now, my little theory has some faults. What about the people who exist as points in the intersection between two lines? I guess that they are the conflicted people, they are the people who have to choose between two paths, they are the people who have a little of two lines in them.


 It's kind of fun to imagine that you exist as a point on a line, and that as you grow up, your point moves to accommodate your decisions, and whether those decisions have helped you climb the ladder (or not) or if they lead you towards the negative side or the positive side.

What a silly idea that I'm sure a thousand people have already graphed.

-D.F.T.B.A.-
Mina;)

Day 58

Hey...

So this isn't easy for me to say... and I don't really know how to explain myself.

I just want you to know that no matter what is about to be said, I am still that Yasmine that you know and love (or not love).

Well... Gosh, I just don't know how to.... Well I have a certain, a certain problem of sorts, you see...

I guess I'll just jump right into it:

I AM A LITTLE BIT OBSESSED WITH GOSSIP GIRL!!!

Okay, I said it. Judge me. Judge me now.

The idea behind Gossip Girl is so stupid and predictable and brainless and everything I hate in television. It doesn't teach anything, it doesn't have any essentially "good" characters, it revolves around TEENAGE GIRLS and their boyfriend dramas, and worst of all: not a single ounce of clever and witty dialogue. I need my wit, it's the reason I love Doctor Who but not most other SciFi, Doctor Who is the epitome of wit ("The Doctor's Wife" am I right?) and SMARTNESS ("Blink" and "The Pandorica Opens"/ "Big Bang Two"), and that's why it was for awhile the only television I watched (Besides Merlin, which I watch so that I can look at the pretty costumes, and stare at everyone's beautiful faces).

But Gossip Girl is so epic and addictive! So DRAMATIC, and everyone is so mean. The plot twists are predictable, but I still find them awesome. Blair is so... horrible, but she is the only character that seems "real", even if she has the most horrendous attitude ever. Serena is a smidgen boring, but I can't help but root for her. Chuck is such a... disgusting human being, and I keep thinking that he looks like a marshmallow (I had this debate with Eleanor, and I've decided that maybe he doesn't look completely like a marshmallow, only a little). Nate is easily the best looking guy on television, but he wasn't given ANY personality whatsoever. Jenny is stupid beyond measure. Lily is wonderful, even though she's a horribly superficial and unemotional mother. Dan is the bohemian awesome guy, who I'm bound to like, but I surprising find him too sensitive and too easily at Serena's fingertips. I don't know, I just find him a little one dimensional. Rufus is also very cool to the tenth power, but so easy about persueing romantic interests. How could he possibly get over Lily, the so-called love of his life, in less than an episode's time. It just irks me.

Anyways, Friday night I went home and watched 13 episodes of Gossip Girl back to back to back.

I don't know what's wrong with me, I just can't help it...

Please don't judge me, it's such crappy television, but it's sooooo wonderful at the same time. I love it, but I hate that I love it. Make sense? I mean, what's YOUR guilty pleasure?

Mine is obviously luxurious teenage drama portrayed by amazingly attractive twenty-somethings who are completely out of touch with the world, yet manage to have the most the most complex social lives to exist, ever. I love it. I love it. I love it. All I need it ice-cream, and I know what I'm doing over winter break.

-D.F.T.B.A.-
Mina;)

Confession: Whenever I cross a street that has a stop sign, and there's that slow moment when you're not sure if the car is going to stop and let you cross, even though they obviously will, I always mumble, "Me first!"